Volume 1
Chapter 2: The Name of an Uncontrollable Emotion (Part 1)
○●A Childhood Friend-Type College Girl Gets Jealous●○●
The summer vacation of life.
That’s what university life in Japan is sometimes called—because getting in is tough, but graduating is easy. Of course, this doesn’t apply to vocational schools or science-focused universities, but for liberal arts programs, it’s often true.
The university I attend falls, broadly speaking, into the "summer vacation" category, I think. If you live normally, you’ll probably graduate… or so I believe. Since getting in was the hard part, there don’t seem to be many students struggling with assignments or coursework. And because it’s called the summer vacation of life, naturally, all the students want to enjoy their time here.
"Guys! Won’t! Fall! For! Me!"
…Sitting next to me is Mizuho… Tonozaki Mizuho, who seems to be the type to go all out enjoying the romantic side of university life.
"It’s been two months since we started here! Shouldn’t I have snagged at least one or two guys by now!?"
"You’re aiming way too high…"
Mizuho swings her trademark twin tails around wildly, letting her emotions spill out.
"One or two"…? How many girls does she think graduate from university without ever getting a single boyfriend…?
"No way, that’s not true! It’s university life! I’ve got to go on tons of dates with a boyfriend, do all the fun stuff, and giggle like crazy—otherwise, what’s the point!?"
"Could you not shout about that so loudly…?"
"For now, I’m definitely hosting a mixer. You absolutely have to join us, Lady Koumi!"
"Who even are you right now?"
It seems the heat has driven my friend a little crazy. Well, she’s always been this high-energy, but still.
I sigh to myself, exasperated, when suddenly Mizuho whips her head—and her twin tails—around to face me.
Uh-oh. What? That’s kind of scary.
"Hey, Koumi. You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?"
"Huh? N-No, I don’t think so…"
"Oh, you definitely are! So…"
Mizuho points dramatically at my face.
"Who’s the hot guy you’ve been taking classes with!?"
"Guh…!"
Oh no, I’ve totally been hiding something.
"I’ve been thinking something’s off lately. You started saying you couldn’t take the classes we used to take together. And when I asked our other friends, they said, ‘Koumi’s suddenly stopped taking classes with us lately.’"
I knew it’d come out eventually.
Or rather, up until now, I’d been taking almost every class with the same group of friends. But since I told them I might not be able to join them for nearly all of them, of course it was going to get found out fast…
"So I peeked at the back of the classroom, and what do I see? Some hot guy? And Koumi sitting next to him, all lovey-dovey?"
"I-I wasn’t being lovey-dovey!"
"Oh, you were totally lovey-dovey. That was the face of a girl in love."
W-Was it that obvious…? This is getting embarrassing.
"Well, whatever… You’ll introduce me to him, right?"
"Uh… um…"
I had a feeling this might happen.
Guys are, unsurprisingly, in short supply around here. And my… well, he’s not mine yet, but Masato is undeniably good-looking, with a perfect personality to match—a total catch. No, more than a catch. Once people get to know him, I bet girls with "sold" signs will come flocking to him.
I’ll fend them all off, though.
That’s why meeting him back then was nothing short of a miracle. Or maybe… more like fate.
Because, really, a meeting that destined? You don’t even see that in manga very often.
"Uh, Koumi-san?"
"Oh, s-sorry, sorry!"
Now’s not the time to get lost in thought. Of course she’d ask me to introduce her… So what do I do here?
Honestly, my heart had already made up its mind long ago.
"Sorry. That’s the one thing I can’t do."
"What!? Why not!? We said we’d share info about guys!"
"Sorry!"
"Tch—"
Cutting Mizuho off mid-sentence, I clasp my hands together and bow my head.
It’s true, like Mizuho said, we made that promise.
Back then, I honestly didn’t think I’d get this hung up on one person. I was just casually thinking, "It’d be nice to date someone."
Now, everything’s different.
"I’m serious, Mizuho. Sorry… That guy… Masato… I can’t let anyone else have him."
The First Love I Became Aware Of.
This was something I couldn’t let anyone else have.
As I bow my head silently, I hear Mizuho let out a sigh.
“Haah… When my best friend lowers her head like that, there’s nothing more I can say.”
“Sorry… Thank you.”
“But! If that’s the case, I’m claiming all the intel on every other guy! If you’re gonna hog that hot guy all to yourself, you’d better introduce me to some others!”
“Haha… I’ll do my best…”
Mizuho really is a good girl. If—if—I ever get the chance to talk to any other guys besides Masato, I’ll definitely introduce her.
After parting ways with Mizuho, I head to the classroom for second period.
“Huh… Masato’s not here yet?”
Usually, he arrives about fifteen minutes before class starts, and we meet up, but I haven’t heard from him yet.
“Oh well. Guess I’ll save him a seat.”
I step into the still sparsely populated classroom and make my way to the very back. I claim a seat for myself and place my bag on the one next to it to reserve it.
This is where Masato will sit.
Just thinking about it makes the corners of my mouth lift naturally.
“I’ll shoot him a message.”
I sit down and open my phone.
We exchanged contacts right away. I said I wanted to send him photos of class materials, and he agreed without hesitation. I feel silly for getting even a little nervous about it.
Would using a heart emoji creep him out…? No, it’s Masato—he’d never think that.
After spending a little over a month with him at school, one thing’s become clear: his personality is too good. I kind of knew it from the start, but it’s honestly unreal how good he is. So good it makes me worry.
What worries me? Well, with a personality like his, his guard around girls is ridiculously low. Like, unbelievably low. Sure, it’s partly thanks to that I was able to get close to him, but now that we’re close—and I’m totally set on him—it’s a major concern.
The thought of some awful player taking advantage of him sends chills down my spine.
(I’ve got to protect him…)
So, during our university days, I’ll be the one to protect him.
I’ll stick by his side as much as possible. And someday… maybe even outside of university, I’d like to keep protecting him—or so I dream.
Ping. A notification chimes, and I grab my phone.
It’s a stamp from Masato—a cute, cartoon cat saying, “Thank you!” Even this part of him is adorable…
Don’t worry, I’ll definitely protect you.
About ten minutes into the class, Masato finally arrives. He comes in through the back door, looking around a bit lost. So cute.
I wave my hand so he’ll notice me. He spots me and starts walking over.
Hmm. Today’s casual outfit looks cool too. A little sportier than usual. Masato’s fashion sense is insanely good, as always.
“Seriously, thanks, Koumi.”
“Hehe… For you, Masato, this is nothing♪”
And so, we call each other by name and sit together for class.
For me, every day feels like a dream. But it’s already been a month since this routine started.
Soon… maybe it’s about time to take things to the next step. That’s what I’ve been thinking.
(Hm… Then this situation right now… couldn’t I use it?)
I glance at Masato’s profile as he wipes sweat with a handkerchief and pulls out his stationery.
I like Masato. But confessing to him right now wouldn’t give me good odds. Of course it wouldn’t—we haven’t spent nearly enough time together yet. There’s no way Masato would say yes to a confession from someone he’s only known for a few days or weeks.
I’m dead set on making him my boyfriend, so I can’t afford to fail. That’s why I can’t confess unless I’m absolutely certain he won’t turn me down.
Everything has its stages, and what I need now is to get closer to him. The fastest way to do that… is a date.
I decide to take a chance.
Once he’s finally settled and ready to focus on the lecture, I tug lightly at the sleeve of his T-shirt.
“…Hey, since I saved you a seat and all, how about we finally grab a meal together today?”
…Was that too flirty? But if I don’t go this far, he’ll never even notice how I feel.
“Ahh, crap, sorry—today’s a work day for me.”
Ugh… But I saw that coming. He turned me down last Friday too. Still, I’ve got a backup plan.
“Aww, really? Wait, do you always work on Fridays, Masato?”
“Yeah, pretty much, I guess.”
“Ohh, got it. Then how about next Monday?!”
“That works, totally.”
“Yes!”
I did it! I secured a date!
Overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn’t help but strike a little victory pose. But can you blame me? I’m so happy!
Right away, my mind starts building the perfect date plan. Monday’s got classes until fourth period, so we’ll probably be done around 1 p.m. Dinner’s a must—gotta book a place, of course—but what should we do until then? Maybe some shopping near the station? A movie… might be a bit tight on time. Karaoke could be fun too.
I mentally map out the facilities near the station, searching for the best way to make sure Masato enjoys himself. The lecture? Not a single word of it registers in my head.
“…Hey.”
“…?”
At that moment, Masato whispers to me.
Oh no. Crap. I haven’t been listening to the lecture at all—what if he asks something class-related? But then—
“Are you really okay with this? Wouldn’t you rather take classes with your friends than with me…?”
“…Huh!? No way, not at all. I can see my friends at club activities or whatever.”
…What’s he getting at? No way. I want to take classes with Masato. I want to spend time with him.
A foggy, unsettled feeling starts to settle in my chest.
And then, he hits me with more.
“If it’s ever like that, feel free to take classes with your friends sometimes. I mean, I’m fine on my own if it comes to it.”
…Why would he say that?
In an instant, a dark emotion swirls up inside me.
“Why?”
My voice comes out colder than I expected, even surprising myself.
“Uh, no, I just thought maybe you’d want to take them with other people or something—”
“Do you not want to take classes with me, Masato? What, do you want to take them with some other girl instead?”
I don’t even want to say stuff like this. But the wave of dark emotions crashes over me, unstoppable.
“No, no, no—nothing like that! Seriously, I’m grateful, and getting to take classes with a gorgeous girl like you, Koumi? There’s nothing that could make me happier! I mean, you’re basically my only friend here!”
…G-Gorgeous?
Did he just call me gorgeous?
“G-Gorgeous? Really? You think I’m… cute, Masato?”
“Y-Yeah, of course you’re cute. You should totally own it, you know?”
W-Wow, I’m over the moon. All of a sudden, my heart feels warm and fuzzy.
“Oh, wow… Eheh… Cute, huh…”
I had no idea being called cute by the person I like could feel this good. All the effort I’ve put into improving myself feels worth it from the bottom of my heart.
Then I remember what Mizuho said this morning.
—Yeah, I might actually be acting pretty lovey-dovey.
Third period ends, and Masato heads home.
I see him off at the university exit before making my way to fourth period. On the way, I replay what happened during second period in my mind.
(I didn’t mean to say stuff like that…)
I don’t even understand it myself.
The moment I imagined Masato might want to hang out with another girl, those dark emotions went wild inside me.
An ugly, jealous feeling.
Masato seemed flustered too, I think.
He didn’t even say a word about wanting to take classes with another girl in the first place.
(Masato’s such a good guy, and yet I…)
I can’t help but sink into self-loathing.
But even now, I have a feeling that if Masato ever said he wanted to hang out with another girl, I’d end up saying the same thing again.
I’d think, Why isn’t it enough with me?
This is the first time I’ve truly fallen for someone. Every day feels so joyful.
—But I also feel like I can’t quite control this massive, new emotion.
I need to be careful… If he ended up hating me, I don’t think I could ever recover.
Oh, I get it. Falling in love, liking someone—it’s made me realize something for the first time.
I—I’m a jealous girl.
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