Volume 1
● A Lively College Girl Meets Her Destiny ●○●
Love is supposed to be this amazing, thrilling thing. When I got into university, I was pumped to find that perfect romance, study just enough to get by, and live the dazzling college life I’d always dreamed of. I’d make tons of friends, go to all sorts of cool places, dress up cute, and make a million unforgettable memories. My days were going to sparkle!
Two months into university, and I’d say I’m doing pretty well. I’ve made a bunch of friends, and I’m getting along great in my club. But… love? Yeah, that’s been a total bust.
There are plenty of good-looking guys—seniors, classmates, you name it. And sure, I think they’re cool. But wanting a boyfriend and actually wanting to be someone’s girlfriend? I haven’t met anyone who makes me feel that way yet.
“Once you start dating, you might be surprised how nice it is!”
“Just go for it and see what happens!”
“You don’t wanna graduate with your age equaling your years single, right?”
Those are the kinds of debates that pop up when my friends and I talk about love. In this day and age, I get that just getting someone to date you is something to be grateful for.
So, going all out, confessing left and right, and hoping someone says yes? That’s a valid strategy. Having a boyfriend sounds like something I’d like to try, at least. If I don’t make a move, no opportunities are gonna come my way, right?
But lately, I’ve been wondering…
What even is love? What does it mean to like someone?
Thinking someone’s cool isn’t the same as liking them. That’s obvious. I can think a TV idol is hot, but that doesn’t mean I’m in love with them. So, what is liking someone?
I used to think the kind of love I dreamed of was when someone’s actions, their personality, or the way they talk made my heart race so much I couldn’t stand it. When I’d want to be with them forever, no matter what. But in my whole life, I’ve never felt anything like that. Not even once.
Guess that’s just how reality works, huh?
So people compromise. They settle. They find someone “good enough.”
And I figured that’s what I needed to do, too.
—And then…
“Are you seriously saying you want to go out with me?”
Why did it have to hurt this much?
Oof. It’s been a while since I got hit that hard. This might be the worst rejection I’ve ever had. I’m used to getting turned down, but still. I stare in the direction Keito-san walked off to.
I’m not even mad. And that’s because, deep down, it makes sense. Maybe I didn’t even want to date him that badly. It’s rude to say, but I wasn’t exactly head over heels either. So, I guess I’m at fault too. We’re even.
I let out a long sigh and turn to head back—when I spot a familiar black cap peeking out from behind a corner.
Gotta get my energy back up.
“…Come on, Mizuho. You got this,” I mutter under my breath before hopping out with a playful bounce.
“Eavesdropping, huh? You’re quite the sneaky one, aren’t you?”
“Mizuho… I’m so sorry.”
My best friend, Koumi Igarashi, is standing there with an expression so raw I’d never want anyone else to see it. She looks guilty and lowers her head.
No, no, it’s okay! I know how kind you are, Koumi. Don’t make that face.
“No worries, no worries! You came to check on me, right? Your kindness has this warrior in tears, Koumi-dono!” I say, throwing in some dramatic flair.
“Mizuho…”
Don’t look so sad, please! I’m fine, I’m fine. This isn’t enough to break Mizuho-chan!
“Man, I really thought I had a shot! But nope, I got smashed! My HP’s at zero—waaah!” I cry, clutching my chest and sticking out my tongue for effect.
“…”
Yup, this carefree vibe is just right for me! I want Koumi to keep smiling, too.
“It’s not going so smoothly, huh? Hang tight, Koumi-dono—our double date’s just gonna have to wait a bit longer! ☆”
“You’ll find someone way better than that jerk, Mizuho. I know it.”
Koumi-dono, you’re too sweet. We’ve been friends since high school, and we’ve never once fought. Not even once.
“Woo! Now I’m fired up! I’m gonna make it happen!” I pause, softening my voice. “So, Koumi… you better take care of that guy of yours, okay?”
“Yeah…”
Koumi’s got a guy she’s really hitting it off with right now. Ugh, I’m so jealous! I’ve only seen him from a distance, but he’s tall, kinda cool-looking, I think? I gotta talk to him sometime—maybe tease him a bit! But for now…
“Hey, don’t you have third period with him? Get going! Shoo, shoo!”
“But… what about you?”
“This warrior needs a moment to bask in the evening breeze! Don’t keep your man waiting—go, go!”
“Mizuho…”
Koumi turns away, her face a mix of guilt and worry. Geez, why’s she gotta look so complicated about it? If Koumi’s happy right now, that makes me happy too, you know? I know she’s had her own struggles, carrying that childhood crush for so long. She doesn’t look back as she walks away, and I watch her until she’s out of sight.
“Phew. Well, that’s how it goes!” I say, stretching big.
This part of campus is a bit far from the lecture halls, and with third period about to start, it’s pretty quiet. I start walking slowly.
“Alrighty! For Koumi’s sake, time to switch gears and find a new gu—”
“You really thought that meant something?”
My voice catches in my throat.
“Know your place.”
Something slides down my cheek.
It falls to the ground, leaving a dark stain.
Please. Stop.
---
The afternoon classes dragged on, and I barely absorbed a thing. I was totally out of it. Lucky for me, the friend I usually sit with was absent today. Now I’m taking a break on a chair in one of the campus’s open spaces.
“Another crash and burn…” I mutter, sending a quick update to my group chat with my classmates. I leave out the nasty stuff Keito-san said and his true colors, of course.
Koumi sent me a worried text, but I’m not in the mood to reply. She’s probably better off having fun with her guy than stressing about me.
I close my phone and lean back in the chair. The sunset streams through the window. It’s almost dark.
“Guess I’ll head home.”
My legs feel heavier than usual. Ugh, this sucks. Will I be able to bounce back by tomorrow? And man, I really messed up. Having to face a club senior after that? It’s gonna be rough.
The thought alone makes me gloomy.
---
After a train ride from the station near campus, I’m now crouched in a bathroom at my transfer station. Apparently, I got motion sickness on the train.
“Haha… motion sickness? Am I that weak now?” I laugh weakly.
Pathetic. So pathetic.
I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror and flinch. My face is a wreck. My eyes are red and swollen from crying, my makeup’s a mess, and my skin’s unnaturally pale.
This is awful… If anyone I know saw me like this…
I untie the hair ties holding my twin-tails and let my hair fall into a plain long style. I dig out a mask from my bag and put it on. I don’t want anyone seeing this face.
The always-cheerful Mizuho Tonozaki isn’t here right now. But I’ll be back to my old self tomorrow, so please forgive me for today.
“There’s a drugstore nearby, right…?”
I need some motion sickness meds that work after the fact. Dragging my heavy legs and aching body, I leave the station bathroom.
What am I even doing? Getting this torn up over some guy rejecting me? Just because his tone was a bit harsh? My mental game’s clearly not strong enough.
“Know your place.”
The words loop in my head. They say memories tied to strong emotions stick with you, but this is just cruel. Tears well up again. Haven’t I cried enough? I rub my eyes roughly, frustrated at myself for being such an idiot.
Thud!
Something hits my shoulder. I bumped into someone.
“Tch! Watch where you’re going, ugly!” the passerby snaps.
…Huh?
My vision’s blurry. Everything feels off.
Did I… drop my contact lens?
This is the worst. My uncorrected vision’s barely 0.1. I’m practically blind.
“I’m sorry…! I dropped my contact lens… I’m so sorry…!” I stammer, sinking to the ground, crawling pathetically to search. It’s like this miserable pose sums up my entire day.
—And then…
“You okay? A contact lens, right? I’ll help you look.”
“…Huh?”
A voice calls out. A guy’s voice. I look up.
My vision’s a teary, blurry mess, so I can’t see him clearly, but he’s wearing a camo vest and a black bow tie. His hair’s slicked back in a neat all-back style, giving him a gentlemanly air. Even in this moment, I can’t help but think…
He’s kinda hot.
“Thank you… so much,” I say, quickly bowing my head to hide my awful face.
“Excuse me, we’re looking for a contact lens!” he announces to the crowd.
I’m stunned. This guy, who’s clearly in the middle of work, is helping me? My head’s spinning, thoughts jumbled. It’s such a strange feeling. In this bustling crowd, all the noise fades away. It’s like it’s just me and this guy in the whole world.
And my heart… it’s pounding so loud.
---
“Found it…! Here it is!”
I don’t know how long it took—maybe a moment, maybe forever. He sounds thrilled as he comes back to me, holding out the lens.
“Here you go. Be careful with it.”
“Thank you… so much.”
He places the contact lens delicately on a handkerchief. The way he hands it to me is so gentle, so careful. Maybe it’s because of what happened earlier today, but his kindness melts into my chest, overflowing. I’m too small to hold it all, and the excess spills out as tears.
But these aren’t the same tears as before. They’re not sad. I’m smiling now. My heart feels warm. These are tears of joy.
And then, I realize something.
Why is my heart racing like this?
It’s a feeling I’ve never had in my entire life.
“Oh, don’t worry about returning the handkerchief. See ya!”
“Huh?”
He’s about to walk away.
No, wait! You can’t! I don’t even know anything about you yet! No way!
“W-Wait, hold on a second!”
He stops and turns back to me. And he looks… so, so amazing. I suddenly remember how pathetic I must look right now, and it stings.
I’m not the usual, bubbly Mizuho Tonozaki right now.
“…!”
I need to at least get his name. Or thank him properly. Or ask why he helped me. A million thoughts swirl in my head. And all the while, my heart’s going thump, thump, thump. It was quiet before, but now it’s so loud—too loud!
No! Let me say something!
I might never see him again!
Please, give me courage, God!
“Uh… sorry, I’m kinda in a rush!”
“…Oh.”
I reach out, desperate, pathetic.
But my hand doesn’t reach him.
The world’s sounds rush back—the hum of the crowd, the clatter of footsteps. Everyday life returns, as if that fleeting moment was a lie. But the heat still burning in my body and the handkerchief clutched in my right hand tell me it was real.
Idiot… idiot, idiot, idiot! I’m such an idiot!
I should’ve at least asked his name. If I’d gotten his name, I could’ve returned the handkerchief! And maybe…
What do I do? What do I do…?
I sink back to the ground, overwhelmed. My heart’s still pounding, loud and relentless.
This uncontrollable racing…
—Could this be…?
“…Huh?”
Something’s on the ground. I pick it up.
“A… ballpoint pen?”
It’s just an ordinary pen, nothing special about it. It’s not mine. Which means… could it belong to him? The guy who searched so hard for my contact lens?
0 Comments